43 and a Birthday Message from the Universe

transformation

If there is one thing I am, it’s awake. 

Emotionally.
Physically.
Spiritually.

Forty-three feels good. I’m strong, healthy, happy, grateful, and solid. But there are always issues to be worked on. 42 was about self-love and self-discipline. 43 is about money and rewiring my vibes around cash flow.

Say whuuut?!

But, I have money. I make a decent salary. Sure, it ebbs and flows and comes and goes, but I have a good and happy life. I travel. I wear nice clothes. I eat exceptional food. Yes, I have debt and a full credit card and big plans for where I’m spending the next windfall.

However, in review, my entire life shows money dysfunction as a primary, recurring issue.

As a kid, any money I earned or received quickly burned a whole in my pocket. I couldn’t save it. Money begged to be spent. There was so much I wanted. Yet most of it went to nothing important. Impulse spending. Shoes. Restaurants. Magazines.

From 17 – 21, I was a student, and then sporadically employed and completely unmotivated. I still believed I was going to be discovered and go to Nashville. Any money I ever had disappeared into accumulating utilities debts and trying to stay fed. That said, I somehow managed to keep my then boyfriend in OV beer and pot.

Between 22 – 28, I was a single mother of two beautiful babies under two barely living on welfare. After a couple of years, I went back to work in a bakery. My intention was never to stay on welfare, and once I was in the labour force I worked my ass off- and played just as hard. I honestly have no idea how I managed because money was non-existent. My starting wage was $5.75 an hour or something ridiculous like that, and my spending habits were just plain fucking embarrassing. Savings, what savings?

At 29, I declared personal bankruptcy because I just couldn’t fight my way out from under the student loan debt and live and raise kids and make progress. It is what it is. Shortly thereafter, I married my soulmate who luckily saw me, the whole, and could overlook the flaws. Over the next three years, we became a family of six.

Between 33 and 40, as a team, we worked hard. Bought a house. Vehicles. Took the odd holiday and raised 4 beautiful humans. Life happens and we managed well with his discipline, my creativity and God’s grace, I’m tellin’ ya. When I was 36, he supported my dream to start my own business, against the professional recommendation of numerous business savvy people. Gawd love him. And at 40, I folded the business and tried to make peace with a $60,000 personal loss.

At 43, I’m gainfully employed, with a hell of a lot of potential and a solid salary. But, I’m not making near what I’m worth, nor what this market can provide. Why is that? Somewhere in my wiring is some shit about money that needs sorting out. I’ve had a fiscal energy leak for forever and it’s time to clean out the gunk, install new hardware and seal that bitch up.

I lack nothing. There is nothing I am without. I’ve got enough. 

Let’s look at these “positive affirmations” a little closer.

I lack nothing. There is nothing I am without. I’ve got enough.

Lack.
Nothing.
Without.
Enough.

If the Universe always honours our requests, it is obliging me. It’s not sending me anything else than what I’ve put out there. Turns out my positive money affirmations aren’t so positive.

As I write, I feel ashamed and embarassed in these admissions. Just think how this shameful silence eats up my personal energy stores and sucks the joy out of my life. I will not let this happen any more.

43 is the year I will tackle this monetary energy leak, reclaim my personal power and transform this trickle of money, into a flowing river whose roaring power I can harness to create the life I want to live and to give the way I want to give.

New Money Affirmations

I would love to have more money.
Money can be used for such wonderful things.
There are endless ways I can receive more money.
I attract prosperity and abundance.
My life is rich and full.

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