This Isn’t That Day

Karen Salmonsohn
Karen Salmonsohn

The wind is howling and biting, ripping at your hair and sucking the air from your nostrils.

You’re aching all over, exhausted and depleted, longing for the weight of your feather duvet and the remote control.

You feel undeserving, unworthy, unattractive, unnoticed and invisible.

No matter how much work you’ve done to overcome your deepest and darkest demons, your most unhealthy patterns surface, beckoning and tempting you with habits that promise to take the edge off your discomfort. A cigarette. Chocolate. Shopping. Drive thru. Vodka. Sexual release. Anything to provide temporary satisfaction and pain relief for what you feel right now.

Now isn’t the time to go back to the pain you know and are comfortable with. Food, alcohol, smoking, spending and your ex will only add to your pain. Thwarting your diet, sabotaging your health, adding to your debt or offering your body up as a human sacrifice to a lousy lover means you have today’s pain that will linger into the coming days.

This isn’t the day you give up or give in.
This isn’t the day you self harm with neglect and cruelty.
This isn’t the day you undo all the good you’ve done in your life.

This isn’t that day.

This is the day you take the shit in stride.
You move through it.
Lean into it.
Let it flow.

Let the wind blow and bite.
Welcome the feelings
of being damaged goods,
of believing you’re wholly unlovable
of seeming unimportance
and your invisibility.

Make tea.
Soak in the tub.
Have a big ol’ snot bawl.
And sleep it off.

You’ve come too far to go back to the stuff that doesn’t work even though you want it to, today just isn’t that day.

I know because I know.

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