It’s Never About You

PersonallyThe second of the The Four Agreements is: Don’t Take Anything Personally.

“Don’t Take Anything Personally Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.” ~ Don Miguel Ruiz


A customer chewed your face off because the debit/credit card machine was down and that proved inconvenient for them.

You’ve been on the receiving end of repeated rude, cruel, hurtful behavior.

Someone close to you is very vocal about your decision to lose weight, get active and change your health calling you shallow, selfish and ‘too’ healthy.

Someone you respect and admire continues to offer unwanted and unsolicited advice about your career decisions, finances or parenting.


It can be hard to accept – but it’s never about you.

Rude behavior, snappy opinions, the cold shoulder, mean commentary, hurtful actions are never because you ‘brought it on’, ‘asked for it’ or ‘deserved it’.

We like to sit back and say things like ‘karma’s a bitch’ and ‘he had it coming’ and ‘she deserved it’ – – – until crazy, mean or hurtful shit happens TO us. Then we say – in soft and whiny, innocent baby voice – ‘what’d I do?’ and ‘where’d that come from?’ – – or simply… ‘bitch’.

Being on the receiving end of out-of-the-blue verbal lashings or judgment or blatant criticism never feels good. Getting your feelings hurt is like being bitten. Being betrayed can feel random. Or deserved.

But, it is never about you.


Each of us live in our own head. We are all battling our own demons.

Some of us are attempting to sift through our messages, beliefs and experiences, and choose different ways of living. But some of us are still asleep. We blame. Judge. Victimize. Hurt. Abandon.

You will – at some point – be on the receiving end of somebody else’s baggage.
You are – unknowingly – a trigger for someone else’s anger.
You will – through the course of living your life – pick off someone’s rotten, old, emotional scab.
And you WILL forget that it is never about you.

It pays to know in advance that their reaction, response and behavior is never about you, but is a manifestation of their own internal bullshit. And we all have it; me included.


Interestingly enough,  this goes the other way, too. People will praise you, celebrate you, idolize you. Imitate you and want to be on your team. It is NEVER about you. You simply represent or reflect or remind them of something that they love, want, gravitate to, or find appealing.


It’s never about you. Or my mom. My husband. My kids. My boss.

YOUR words. YOUR actions. YOUR choices. YOUR behaviors.
It’s not about me. Not about your partner. Your friends. Your boss. It’s all you, baby.

Through the course of my life, I will positively and negatively, unintentionally trigger another’s internal drama, just through the act of living my life, speaking my truth and honoring my own desires.

AND, I know that there will be times that the opinions, decisions and actions of others may provoke a strong reaction within me. I may even feel compelled to comment, respond, retaliate or distance myself from them.

The sooner I can separate myself from the belief that I have any influence or control over the words, actions, behaviors, beliefs or behaviors of anyone else, the sooner I can be happy.

It’s never about me.


The Four Agreements is among the top 10 life changing books I’ve read.

For consideration:  If someone is consistently a trigger for you, or you for them, stop spending time with them! Discreetly, without production, unfriend or unfollow them, on social media. Or – if they are family – buy earplugs and take up meditation. Peace. xoK

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