Goals are great, and I’ve got some good ones to focus on this year. What I’d really like to clarify, are the things I don’t want to do anymore – the things I don’t want to waste time on or repeat.
Here’s a list of the big ones that come to mind:
#1 – Try to Make Everyone Love Me I still wrestle with this one from time to time, although, not like I used to. I mean, I’d love it if all the cool people loved me, but they don’t and that’s okay. Instead, I’m going to focus on loving back (hard!) all those people who already see and love me so well.
#2 – Refuse to Invest in Relationships that Feel Like Work These are the friendships/relationships that don’t feel easy or authentic – like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. I can like – and love – all kinds of people and not spend my time with them. This year, I will quietly break up with them. I will ‘kiss them with kindness and let them go.’
Not nourishing those relationships means I have more time to do things and spend time with the people that really make me happy and feed my soul. Sometimes, this leads back to #1. People don’t like it when a relationship changes. I will be sensitive to others and do this with grace.
#3 – Hang Out with People Who Don’t Expect Me to Rise – I want my tribe to expect the very best from me every day. I want them to be reassured that I will be ethical, kind, solid and present every time they see me. I want them to hold me to my commitments and to push me to grow into my potential.
I want my team to demand that I am firing on all synapses, that I bring hot creativity and wide-eyed insight, deep wisdom and soft compassion to the work table, the coffee table, the bedside, the boardroom – every fucking time.
My tribe accepts me – regardless. My people adore me – as I am. They know the deepest parts of me and know my fragility and my capacity. I know they will hold space for me when I am less than I can be, but what I really want is that they expect my rise.
#4 – Read, Watch, Share, or Promote Any Idea or Subject that Breeds Fear, Suspicion, Judgement, Sparks Arguments or Feeds Hate – True, civil debate and discussion – the sharing of ideas and the open dialogue and listening of broadening minds and opening hearts – doesn’t happen in a comments section on social media. I mean it does, but not effectively (or kindly).
There is nothing more to say about this. I’m working hard at not giving a fuck what anyone says about my choice to focus on and give only love. Choosing love is seen as weakness. I see it as deliberate and conscious.
#5 – Expectations – I’ve learned some beautiful lessons about the connection between letting go of expectations and being happy.
In 2016, I will continue to work on releasing expectations – what I want from others, from situations and from life – and just noticing what shows up. I expect this will continue to be a challenge. I will persist. No expectations = no disappointment.
#6 – Write What I Think People Want to Hear – Even as I write this I must continually bring myself back to the questions ‘What do I want?’ and ‘What am I trying to say?’
I’ve heard it time and time again from writers and idea generators and big thinkers – write the book you’d like to read. People who write brilliantly aren’t sharing from a place of ‘What do people want me to say?’ They are just ripping themselves open and dumping the contents of their guts out on the autopsy table.
“Write drunk. Edit sober.” Peter De Vries
(Falsely attributed to Ernest Hemmingway)
My writing could use the spontaneity and lack of censorship that comes with drunk, without the hangover. In 2016, while writing, I will continually ask myself, “What is it that I am trying to say?” My writing is my art, my outlet, my explanation and my clarity. I will work harder at letting go of the fear of judgement. I will write what I need to read.
Happy New Year. xoK