First six week training session of 2016.
I’m in heaven.
But first, before I’m in heaven, I’m on my knees with 50 plus pounds in a double press over my head. My ass is on fire and my shoulders are singing and my heart is starting to pound.
This is over and above my routine workouts and the walking that I do with Riv.
This is my time to push and grow and unlearn and relearn and focus.
This is my time to get stronger.
Occasionally, someone around me inevitably refers to exercise as another form of addiction. I suppose for some it is – like food or drugs – I suppose that exercise could be used to escape, or punish, or feel good. I do like to feel good.
Make no mistake, not much feels good when I am in the middle of exercising. There are many days I question “What Exactly Am I Trying To Do?” And every time I’m on the mat I think (at least once, often more) ‘I can’t do anymore.’ or ‘I can’t do this.’ And you know, sometimes I push through and sometimes I give up too soon. But never is how often intense exercise feels good in the moment for me.
So, why do it?
Because the after is amazing. I feel pushed and powerful. I feel aligned – like I just had a massive chiropractic adjustment. I feel capable and beautiful. I feel strong.
My body is joyful and satisfied, the same kind of satisfied that comes with mind-blowing, soul connecting sex. I am euphoric.
As I drive to work, I enjoy everything more. I almost dance in my seat to the radio. I notice where the sun pokes through the clouds with golden glow. I feel grateful for my coach, my kids, my husband – my privileged life. I have more patience.
I am sickeningly, fucking enviably, deliriously happy.
And I realize that during that hour I was present in my body – paying attention to the cues, listening, tightening, focusing. I wasn’t stressed. I wasn’t worried. I wasn’t distracted. I wasn’t questioning or rationalizing or decision-making.
I was IN MY BODY using it ALL up.
That’s why I do it.
Because exercise makes my whole self – MY WHOLE LIFE – better.
Push to it and through it.