Misery Loves Company – Joy Flies Solo

 

yvonnecomber
This gorgeous piece was painted by YvonneCoomber.com

I’m starting to think people like to know that your life is in the shitter; it makes them feel better. 

No one likes to feel crappy while everyone else’s life is a party. Share a photo of your child’s achievements and risk being labelled a braggart. Happy people get called out, often in passive aggressive vague-book status updates that say things like,

“No one gives a shit about your fake life
and your perfect kids
and your happy marriage.”

I see this a lot. People who are suffering get love and support (which is the way it should be). Lament about your pain and people send tender messages of encouragement. Share your pride in an accomplishment you’ve worked your ass off for and get called a arrogant, self-centered show off.

We truly are bizarre creatures.

No one wants to see you succeeding and rocking out your life. No one cares that you enjoy your job or that you adore your beautiful wife; you’re an anomaly. Find peace and well, you can just fuck off, you airy-fairy, annoying asshole.

It makes me happy to witness the people that I adore as satisfied and having fun. I like pictures of your kids and your vacation and your lunch plate. Doesn’t bother me one bit, Yay, you! Way to rock out your life, your way.

And I can still offer compassion when the ones I love are struggling. I can be a cheering squad or a listening ear or a soft space to land.

Maybe when you’re in a deep, dark hole,
it’s perfectly natural to be mad at any person
who is standing in the light.

My guess is it feels personal – like one has it easy, while the other is being punished. Pretty hard to like someone who appears to never take a punch, especially when you feel like life is laying the boots to your ass.

Misery loves company.
It affirms and soothes and reassures
us that even though things suck
pretty hard right now…
it could be worse.

When we see someone else’s pain, we’re no longer alone. It’s not personal after all because they suffer, too. Whew. I’m not alone after all. You’re here, too. And you’re hurting just like me. There, I think I feel a tiny bit better.

Joy flies solo.

And it’s so cool to be down with that. Soar and spin in the wind.

It’s kind of counter-intuitive.

Joy is content and has nothing to prove. She is learning to keep her distance because she knows Misery has a one track mind and tunnel vision and his teeth gnash in pain, and her ease does nothing but provoke.

Misery is the Soul with blinders on.
Joy is grounded and present and is the poster-child for existentialism.

Caroline Myss talks about ‘woundology’ – about people so strongly identifying with their wounds that they mistakenly believe they are one and the same. Their whole existence becomes the story of their wound – nothing else exists.

“Pain is inevitable.
Suffering is optional.”

Haruki Murakami

No one has to suffer anymore. There are too many people who have healed, who facilitate wellness, who offer grace and who have tools for working miracles. We just have to be willing to take the blinders off.

Misery is frightened and cynical and exhausted from its pain. 
Joy’s cheeks are flushed and rosy from dancing with high knees in flowering meadows.

That’s enough to piss anyone off.
There is no need to abandon those who hurt.
Keep loving and praying and sending good vibes, quietly – possibly from a distance – when your brand of Light isn’t wanted.

 

Be kind to one another. 

xoK

Resource:
Why People Don’t Heal and How They Can

 

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4 thoughts on “Misery Loves Company – Joy Flies Solo

  1. I think people don’t trust friends who are supposedly happy because they worry that the happy friend won’t be able to be there for them when they’re in the dumps.

    1. Was thinking more about this and you know, I think in some cases you might be right. Abandonment when we’re struggling is real because often people just don’t know what to do with us anymore… I mean, can’t we just ‘get over it’ already?

      When my 16 year old daughter was miserable depressed and suicidal, her poor boyfriend couldn’t manage. He broke up with her because he was in no position to care for her or help her. He just didn’t know how to manage.

      That abandonment felt like a big one on top of other losses and traumas and really hurt her. It was difficult for her to see the ones who WERE there and who DID remain – but there always have been people there with her who care.

      Sending you all kinds of love today. I have plans to go catch up on your blog over lunch. ❤

      1. Thanks for sharing. It’s so hard to know what to do for someone who is hurting if you yourself have never hurt in that way. It’s not that I want people around me to suffer when I am suffering; it’s that I know that I can’t trust people who can’t relate. And vice versa; I have to dig deep if someone I know is hurting but I’m not.

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