Danielle Laporte, who is one of my original great (virtual) mentors, wrote this brilliant blog post (back when you could still find her under White Hot Truth) titled, the euphoria of admitting when it sucks.
It was a conk-me-on-the-head, speak-to-my-soul post; the kind that resonated so deeply, I never quite shook it.
Over the years, it clung to my insides like party streamers celebrating permission to claim what was mine: the joy of knowing what I would accept and could no longer. And it has blessed me over and over again in relationships, in my personal life and in the workplace.
The euphoria of admitting when it sucks affirms what I already intuitively know:
there are no accolades for ‘sticking it out’ and ‘hanging onto the bitter end’.
You’re not a quitter when you choose to let the things go that are just not working.
In fact, recognizing when things are not in alignment for you is a great indicator of self-awareness and emotional intelligence.
It shows that you are clear about your values, your boundaries and what you will and won’t accept. Admitting when it sucks is honest and authentic – and, for me, is a much better alternative than this-is-good-enough or you-made-your-bed-now-lie-in-it.
Things change. People change. We grow up. We downsize. We have life-altering moments. We get clear. We decide we aren’t willing to swim upstream anymore.
Here are the 4 unmistakeable ways I know it’s time to go:
1. I don’t feel the way I want to feel. I am crystal clear about the way I want to feel about my life (2017 = wild, discipline, hustle). I make my all of my daily decisions based on how I want to feel. (Desire Map) And I know pretty darn quickly when my results don’t match my desires. Adjust accordingly.
2. Triple A: ambiguity, apathy and avoidance. When I reach a point of ‘what does it matter?’ or ‘I don’t care’ – BIG red flag. I care. I am deeply compassionate and empathetic and in touch with those I serve. When I feel unsure, and apathetic – or worse, when I start to schedule personal time to ‘break away‘ – I am past my due date and usefulness.
3. I’m bored. I’m a creator. I make things. I write. I design. I lay things out pretty. I use colour. I talk. I use my hands. I’m passionate. I laugh. Sing. Share. Infuse. Distribute. If I don’t have something creative to do – you’ve lost me.
4. Judgement, Criticism and Anger. When fingers start pointing, it’s time to say thank you and good bye. Judgement, criticism and anger are never useful, productive or healthy and are always futile. By the time anger surfaces, it’s time to save myself. Some battles are not mine to have. It’s okay to kiss people goodbye with kindness.
Still not sure you’re giving up too soon?
Here are 4 questions you can ask yourself:
- What is yours to fix? Be smart. Know what’s yours, and what belongs to someone else. Quit wasting energy trying to fix people and things that don’t need fixing. (Especially if you answered with “but, they dooooo…”)
- What is outside of your control? Weather, corporate dogma, old boys club, people’s personal value systems, people’s decisions… Yeah. Alot.
- Can you live with that? Do you have a choice? Be reasonable. Clean up your own backyard.
- If tomorrow was your last day, are you happy with how you spent today’s energy allowance? Be mindful of your most precious resource. YOU.
Sometimes giving up is the most sane and solid decision you can make.
Sometimes quitting saves your life.
Sometimes walking away lets someone else get it right.
If you’re super self-savvy, you can catch the perfect moment to cut ties, bow out, and let go.
(Catch it on the whisper. I remember, Oprah said that.)
There is always an element of risk when you walk away; the unknown is scary. But, like my girl, D says…
I’m willing to do whatever it takes to feel the way I want to feel.
What about you?