Settling In, Allowing things to BE and Staying Clear and Open

IMG_2219This is what it looks like here today where I live. -28 with windchill on March 10. I’ve got a nice little heater under my desk, which although it makes me feel nice and toasty, it also makes me feel stiff and lazy. I’ve got a fitness class to Coach at 12:10pm and THEN I PROMISE I’m working out.

February 1 I started a new adventure and accepted a job as Head Coach at the South Red Deer Fit Body Boot Camp (sister to the Lacombe gym I started training in, and then interned in and starting my job as part time Coach in the fall). As with any massive change, there is a learning curve and adjustment period.

I like to be active – and aimed for 3-5 times a week exercise plus hiking and dog walking, etc. But, it’s been a real shock to my system to spend my days doing – physical labour. No matter how much I moved in my free time, I still had a “Desk Job” – 8 hours a day. SITTING on my ass. This activity stuff is pretty challenging.

What it means is: I’ve had to re-evaluate my rest and self-care. My day starts at 4:00am Monday, Tuesday and Thursday – and I NEEEEED 8 hours of sleep. Raising teenagers and a 8:00pm bedtime don’t jive well – and my husband has been a SAINT, stepping up to drive kids and drop them off at school (in two cities) plus work himself, while I adjust to the new demands of (essentially) retail work hours.

IMG_2223But I am SO doggone satisfied. I was SO TIRED of sitting and thinking and talking about heavy things like trauma and suicide and critical behaviours… I was so tired of being in my head. THAT’S what I love MOST about my physical interests and job – I am TOTALLY in my body – there is NO TIME or ENERGY left to think and dwell and sort and stew.

Golly, I love my man – I feel like I’ve aged 10 years in the last single year. I’ve got more grey hair and wrinkles and crows heet and laugh lines than I know how to cope with. (See photo at right) I’ve given up on wearing making up – too much of it has sparkles and sparkles and wrinkles do NOT go together well. I look like an old prostitute… It’s another transition – what to use, what to wear as I head into 47 (answer is: what makes me feel good and the most like me).
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The new gym is a total hoot – I’m having so much fun helping people find their strong and healthy self. I love the energy and enthusiasm and the team I work with. Although the hours and energy required to work are a WHOLE new kettle of fish, I am tired and satisfied, pumped and weary, challenged and happy.

I’m currently training for my SFG 1 in Chicago at the end of April. My ideas and brain might be 32, but my body is still 46 and requires a whole ton of self-care, and a delicate balance of push and rest.

Exhaustion for me equals stupid food choices – as when I’m beat, I just want cookies and carbs and chips and dry cereal by the handfuls straight out of the box.

Instead of beating myself up for the poor choices and lack of self-control – I am paying attention to what my body craves – and listening carefully. I do believe in primal eating – eating for seasons and right now – it’s -28, I’m working out a ton, my sleep is compromised and I haven’t had the sun on my shoulders since September – October… So, I eat smart, but I also eat for nourishment and sustenance and pleasure. WITHIN REASON.

As with all change, there is a need to try to control all things – organization, routine, schedules – time at home – all have shifted and I’m feeling pretty discombobulated. And my family is, too. I spend a lot of my time reminding myself to just LET IT GO and let it all unfold. I gave up stability with my desk job and the freedom to come and go as I please (and as I needed) – but I also gave up boredom and stagnation and dread and loneliness. It was a good trade.

Time for the trainer to train.
Always growing. xoK

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